All that causes addiction begins with a “c”

– Luís Fernando Veríssimo, translated by Oliver Simões

For some reason still unknown, lately my mind has been preoccupied with a rather sinister idea: addictions.

I’ve been pondering about all the addictions that corrupt humanity. I thought over and over, and suddenly an insight came about: all that causes addiction begins with letter “c”!

From drugs – light to heavy – to booze, foods, or entertainment, I noticed that every addiction curiously begins with a “c”.

To begin, it dawned on me that cigarettes cause more addiction than many heavy drugs. Cigarettes cause addiction and it begins with letter “c”. Then, I remembered the heavy drugs: cocaine, crack, and pot. It’s worth mentioning that pot is just the nickname for cannabis, which also begins with a “c”.

Among the super popular drinks are cachaça (Brazilian rum made from sugar cane), cerveja (Portuguese for beer), and coffee. The gaúchos* even give up their morning coffee addiction, but they won’t give up their chimarrão (an infusion from the leaves of yerba mate), which – mind you – begins with a “c”.

As I reflected upon this pattern, I came up with an answer to a question that had plagued me for many years of my life: why does Coca-Cola cause addiction, but Pepsi doesn’t? Having formulas and flavors that are practically identical, there must be another reason for this phenomenon. On that day, my insight finally revealed an answer. It’s because Coca has two c’s while Pepsi doesn’t have any. Impressive, huh?

How about computers and chocolate? These dispense any comments.

We are no strangers to food addiction, especially those foods that are loaded with salt and sugar. Salt is sodium chloride. And the most addictive form of sugar is from sugar cane.

Some songs also cause addiction. Recently, I witnessed the popularization of a musical drug called “créeeeeeu“. Everybody got plain high, especially when the song reached a certain speed (5).

By now, you must be thinking: sex is addictive, but it doesn’t begin with letter “c”. Well, you’re totally wrong. Sex doesn’t have this quality because it simply denotes an anatomical trait that allows us to distinguish a man from a woman. What causes addiction is the “sexual intercourse”, and this is known as coitus.

That’s it. Coincidental or not, all that causes addiction begins with a “c”. But beware: not all that begins with a “c” causes addiction. If that were the case, we would be saved since humanity would be addicted to Culture

* A gaucho (Portuguese gaúcho [ɡaˈuʃu]) is a skilled horseman, reputed to be brave and unruly. The gaucho is a national symbol in Argentina, Brazil and Uruguay. Gauchos became greatly admired and renowned in legends, folklore and literature and became an important part of their regional cultural tradition. (Wikipedia)

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